The Journal of a Psychotic Teenager
by BladefireA
Summary: Envy is a troubled teenager in our world. He visits a psychiatrist and is told to start a journal to try and alleviate the anger. Lets see how he handles it. Inspired by The Nearly Missed's Psych Journal series. Warning: Mild OOC, AU, mentions of violence and other socially unacceptable things. Enjoy! There will also be some angst! Lets see how that mixes with humor...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello my lovelies! I am starting a new story inspired by The Nearly Missed's Mello's Psych Journal and Matt's Psych Journal. This one is about Envy, our favorite psychotic murderer!**

**Warnings: Slight OOC, cursing, mentions on extreme violence, etc.**

**Enjoy!**

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Entry #1

Alright, ah, I feel kind of awkward doing this. It, to say the least, was a strange suggestion and I can't believe I'm going along with it. It's not like I'm used to keeping a regular journal…altogether I find it pretty…boring. It seems weird. I'm used to just fuming over everything…but no, the damned psychiatrist my _mother_ keeps sending me to insisted on it.

Anyway, for the eyes that will never see this, my name is Envy Alighieri (last name has to do with Dante Alighieri who wrote about a type of purgatory, dealing with the deadly sins). I guess the front cover gave that away, which I'm actually really stupid before. Only more reason to guard this…with my life. I don't want people knowing more about me than they have to.

This pen pisses me off…the click is too quiet…

Anyway, so yeah. As of now, October 24, at 4:03 pm, I am 16 years old. I'll be turning 17 in a couple of months. I guess I'm pretty smart, being in the top 30% of my class. I'd like to make it to the top 10%...yeah I set high standards for myself. At least I'm _trying, _unlike the idiots I go to school with. I've been through so many schools…starting with private school. Then I did homeschooling, co-ops, homeschooling, cyber schooling….not even my mom could handle me. I may set high standards for myself, but I still hate working for it… Can you blame me? I'm a teenage boy! Anyway…I've been in the public school system for 7 years now, and I've been kicked out of three. I just started going to a new one 2 weeks ago. I'm in 11th grade, but I should be in 12th.

Whoa…I just realized how close I am to being an adult…

My mom grew up in a Catholic family, which confuses the Hell outta me, considering what she _named_ me and my siblings…after the deadly sins. She even tried to make us be Catholic. No thank you! Mom says I need to work on my religious studies and stuff…like praying, reading the bible, going to confession…honestly, I don't feel like it. Anyway, I'd be booted out of church as soon as I say a sentence. Cursing, ya know?

Right now I _should_ be either doing homework or yardwork. I never understand doing work on Sundays. Even MOM says it's a day of rest…but all she does is push all of the work on her kids and she rests all day. Fucking bitch. But whatever…

The homecoming dance was last night. I consider it a bit late, but who said logic _needs _to exist? Me and my friend Ed pretty much just sat around the whole time. No dates, just there.

I guess this is an introduction about me? Or should be? Even though I have no intention of letting anybody read this, I feel the need to describe myself.

So, I really like action/horror movies…like Final Destination and gory stuff like that. I actually really like the theatre as well. My acting skills are amazing, if I can say so myself. Hmm…I listen to a lot of hard rock and metal, some screamo… I like bands like Black Veil Brides and Three Days Grace, etc etc. I read a little bit, but not much. Once again, mostly horrors and murder mysteries. I like Edgar Allen Poe and Stephen King. But best of all, I am a killer artist. I draw all the time. I have a whole cabinet filled with my work. I really do have a lot of free time on my hands.

Honestly, I'd rather be sleeping right now. Of course, that'd make my night insomnia worse.

As for my feelings…eh… I guess I'm not really doing too well today. Since about 5 days into being in my new school, I kinda liked this guy named Roy (oh yeah, I'm kinda bisexual, or something. I'm not too sure). Well, I decided to ask him to homecoming, and he said he wasn't going. That was all fine and good, sure go ahead, stay at home, whatever. But then he DID go. And not only that, but he went with that girl Riza, as if I already didn't like her. I admit, I'm jealous. I've always lived up to my name. I already didn't get along with her. In all honesty, I hate her now. I almost fucking jumped her at the dance. But seriously, if Roy had just rejected me instead of lying, I wouldn't be so pissed off. I guess the world just _fucking loves _to screw me over.

Should I put what I did throughout my day in here? I know it's kinda boring and…just insignificant? But I guess I will anyway.

Today I did some yardwork and harvesting. When I was gathering fruit, I was actually enjoying myself. I was alone and I felt somewhat at peace. But then the bees ruined it all for me. I don't want to get stung, I hate pain…

I'm supposed to stay somewhere this Thursday. Great time to get out of the house. Mom and dad are going on an anniversary trip.

Anyway, I also found out some really interesting stuff on a psychology website. Apparently it's really easy to screw with people's emotions and mentality with specific 'methods'. I think it's work playing around with.

I really hope no one reads this…

~EnvyTheJealous

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**So did you like it? Please review, I'm planning on writing more chapters, and you'll be able to see him fall slowly into insanity ^_^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Here's the second chapter to Envy's lil' journal! I have a few things I need to point out as well.**

**I realized my last chapter had a LOT of grammar errors and some repeats, etc etc. I will have you know I was very tired and in a bit of a rush. Anyway, I hope I didn't turn you off to the story TOO much. Anyway, enjoy! And review. I love reviews ^_^**

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Entry #2

10/25

Yet another day of pointlessly spilling my 'feelings'. I guess right now I feel kind of tired…and hungry. It was a long day at school. I have so much to do. We have a math test tomorrow. I'll bet I'll fail. Math = one of my worst subjects. Hey! That was math, write? There was a symbol. No? Fuck it. At least I didn't forget my review like last time. Then I'd be REALLY screwed over.

I'm still waiting for dinner. It's after 8 in the evening and dinner STILL isn't done. It's starting to get on my nerves. I haven't had food since lunch! This is killing me!

Oh fuck no…now I sound like Gluttony (cousin of mine…my family is fucked up.). You know, you'd think I wouldn't be as thin as I am. I don't eat as much as Gluttony, but damn, I still eat a lot. But no, I'm super thin AND I don't really have much muscle going for me, or at least not for my age.

On another note, I actually accomplished something today. My bedroom is finally organized…somewhat. I still have the usual royal mess on my desk, dresser, and in my closet, but at least everything else has a place and my floor is CLEAR! Thank the lord! I also got some sort of book at the library for my English curriculum. It's called the Neverending Story. I recall seeing a movie called that. Maybe the book will entertain me.

Thank god I was able to hold back my emotions today. I almost cried. ALMOST FUCKING CRIED! ME?! CRYING?! I can't do that, NEVER! Not in public! I also almost lashed out at someone.

And somehow, by the god's anger with me for NO APPARENT REASON AT ALL I ended up in the middle of a fight. Two of my girl friends (girl friends, NOT girlfriends) – Winrey and Rose – got into a fight because Winrey is dating Rose's ex-boyfriend. It may be something stupid to fight over, but Winrey is being really childish about it. I really hate to say it (HAH! Psych…damn why can't pens erase?), but it seems like she wants everyone to baby her. Honestly, I'm sick of it! I'm tired of having to hear her complain about how much life sucks, when at the same time I see her bringing it on herself! She can sometimes be SUCH a bitch to everyone and then wonders why everybody seems to hate her! Plus, she needs to put the fucking wrench away. Ed isn't the only one who gets hit with those, and damn, they hurt!

I just hate how teenagers these days are so immature. To most, it's about partying, sex, drugs, drinking, SWAG…it's so STUPID. I don't know why they do all this stuff. It's just going to destroy their lives. They make fun of nerds and good-behaviored people (like I'm one to talk), but honestly the ones who actually TRY are going to go so much farther than them.

Wait…did _I, _of all people, just complain about all _that_?!

Anyway, on a funnier note, SWAG originally meant Secretly We Are Gay.

The whole world is going to shit. With this generation screwing up like this, everybody is DOOMED. I'm ashamed to be part of the human race.

I really need to get a job. I'm completely broke…

Is it unreasonable to feel like the world is against me? I don't always feel like this…but sometimes it feels like my friends are fake, my family doesn't want me (I actually wouldn't be surprised at that one), and my teachers are out to get me. It may seem unreasonable, but that paranoia seems to be a part of my life. I mean, my mother isn't the best person in the world. Actually, she's a horrible person. I'm not saying she's emotionless – far from it. But it seems to always be all about her, no matter how much it hurts someone else. She's almost as bad as some of the worst teens I know. She always neglected me and my brothers, how do you think we turned out this way? If it wasn't a school day, we would be locked in our rooms until lunch because she didn't want us waking her up. I ended up stuck taking care of Wrath in our shared room years ago, because he'd wake up and I'd be the only person able to get to him. I was only 5 years old, for god's sake! And _I _was doing our mother's job!

When we were (somewhat) old enough to take care of ourselves, she stopped locking the door. Not too long after that, I left the house to get food. I left, in my pajamas, in the ghetto of the East, to get FOOD. Greed was asleep and Wrath couldn't do anything, he was too young. I myself was only 7 years old. Anyway, there was this preschool that gave out free food during the summer to anybody, and I thought I'd try my luck. I was THAT hungry. I was almost kidnapped that day. Lucky for me, one of my neighbors brought me home before the supposed gang member could get me.

Yeah, my childhood sucked. No wonder I'm so paranoid. I really want to get over all the crap that happened to me, but I can't. No matter how hard I try, I end up back where I started. Bitter and angry. Sometimes I want help, but at the same time I don't. Maybe this is why I ended up with a therapist of sorts.

Damn, this really WAS a spill of my past. And feelings. I feel ridiculous, and like a girl or something. Uhg, I'm going to KILL whoever gets their hands on this.

~EnvyTheJealous


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, this one's a shortie (no Ed, not y-HELP!) Uh...yeah I'm kinda hyper. **

**The Nearly Missed: Face it, Envy is gonna kill you and the 50 other people who read it. Maybe if we can convince his psychiatrist to lock him up before he finds ou- (SHIT NO ENVY I'M KIDDING!)**

**Please excuse my hyperness, I had some sugar...**

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Entry #3

10/26

Well, today was…interesting. My mother was being the royal bitch all day. I know I know, what's new? Today she just went MAD overboard!

Well, ya see, I kind of got into a little of trouble at school. Once again, what's new? I only got an after-school detention…but I, of course, get in mega-ultra-trouble (DAMN THAT SOUNDS FUCKING GIRLY! I'd better stop using pens so I can erase…). So I didn't get home until 4:30, causing me to be unable to pick Wrath up and walk him home. I can't drive, nor can Wrath (he's too young and in MIDDLE SCHOOL) but Greed can. I don't see why he can't just drive both ME and Wrath home.

But no, he goes off with his friends while I have to drag little Wrathie home.

But since I wasn't able to GO home, Wrath was sort of…stranded. Greed saw him walking home in an area of town mom doesn't like him to be, and he was forced to pick the brat up. Of course, I get blamed for the whole thing. It wasn't my fault! It was only _somewhat_ my fault! I can't help it if an annoying bitch trods on my foot and then tells me to watch where I'm going! Of course I'm gonna hurt her! By hurting her, I mean grabbing her by the hair and…kinda…throwing her against the lockers, and…kicking her a few times…

And on top of that, her boyfriend is out to get me now! Why oh why do I have a bad temper? Oh yeah, my upbringing. Normally, I wouldn't be worried about it, but this guy, not kidding, is like fucking 6 feet tall and is on the wrestling AND football teams. I'm screwed.

Well, at least I found somewhere to stay Thursday through Sunday. I'm staying over Ed's house on Thursday night and then me and Greed are both staying at one of his friend's houses. I'm not exactly looking forward to _that_, but Ed can't have someone over on Friday night. Greed has been talking about partying, drinking, drugs, and stuff…I don't want to get involved. Last time I hung out with Greed, I got drunk off a cup of whiskey…I know, I can't hold my liquor. Shut up. But apparently I ended up doing some…disorderly things and ended up in the local jail overnight. I still have to kill Greed for leaving me like that.

So, I'm going to do my best to say NO this time. I'll just have to bring my iPod and maybe my PSP. But still. I'm happy I'll be at Ed's house on Thursday. His house is awesome. His dad is okay, and his little brother, Alphonse, is sweet (uh, huh, what? No, he's just, not an ass…nope, NO ONE IS SWEET).

Hmm…feelings… Indifferent? I know I went and got all pissy, but I had a sort of good day when it comes to friends. But…some of my classes are getting REALLY stressful. I don't really have much on my feelings. However, I DO want some sugar. Maybe I'll go get a chocolate parfait.

~EnvyTheJealous

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**Just as an afternote, in ****_Fullmetal Alchemist: Dream Carnival_**** (video game) it is revealed that Envy likes chocolate parfaits :3**

**Please review! 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well here's a new one, again! Man, I'm on a roll here! Please enjoy and review! ^_^**

**The Nearly Missed: It's fun, from what I remember. I got to play a demo a long time ago, before I was even into FMA, because my friend brought me down to a video game store and made me try it. And no, I didn't imagine anybody in particular, but you can let your imagination do the work if you want! And I agree! Al is so sweet! (Ever heard the doughnut story by Vic Mignogna? Makes the powdered sugar thing you said TOO funny!)**

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Entry #4

10/27

Hey, Envy again (obviously). Needless to say, I ended up spending half the morning in the nurse's office… that girl's boyfriend, like I predicted, picked a fight with me. Being the 'hothead' that I am, I didn't just back down like any smart person would. Well, at least I only got out of the fight with a swollen cheek and some _really_ painful bruising in my gut. Greed insists the guy pulled some of my hair out, but when I look in the mirror and feel the back of my head, I don't notice anything missing. Maybe he's just messing with me.

One good thing came out of getting my ass handed to me. I got pity points and could sit out of gym class. Of course, Mrs. Curtis _'promised'_ extra laps for tomorrow. That. Bitch. Is. **Scary**! I'll just nod and go along with it.

I've noticed something recently. I've been drifting away from my friends for a while now. Not all of them, but some. I mean, I guess it makes sense, considering I moved schools a couple weeks ago, but two of them live on my block and I don't even hang around _them!_ I mean, Ed figures it makes sense, and I guess he's right. Andy always has some sort of bullshit coming out of his mouth, and John kinda…took his anger out on anyone who was around, which usually wound up being me. You see, he has this overprotectiveness about Andy, they're like brothers, but me and Andy were the only ones who hung around John, so if he got mad I was an instant target.

He didn't USUALLY get violent; usually it was yelling, taunting, and other verbal harassment. I can't believe I put up with it for so long… I guess they were the only people who at least pretended they didn't see anything wrong with my…behavior. Anyway, I think I'm just _done_ with them. And you know what? It feels good!

However, I _have _been getting closer to my new friends; like Ed, Al, Ling, and somewhat for the girls Winrey and Rose. I don't really identify with girls well, but they still fall into a friendship category. But this really IS surprising. I usually don't make friends this easily. Of course, people usually steer _clear_ of me, and in this school's case, Ed approached me, before I even had the chance to do something stupid.

Despite my friends, I've been feeling nervous. It's not about staying home with just Greed tonight, I've had to deal with that before (parents left early, Wrath is over at the Elric's to hang out with Al.). It's more about Friday and Saturday, and staying with Greed and his friends. I know I explained this before, but all this talk of drugs, alcohol, partying, hooking up, and all that is getting me all jittery.

I'm going to have Ed on speed dial in case something goes wrong, but I still don't know how I'll fare either way. Plus, I swear one of Greed's friends has a thing for me. But I can't back out now. Mother is expecting me to be there and I don't have any way to contact her to do otherwise.

Dammit, Greed is being an ass and demanding I clean up from dinner.

I am BEYOND pissed at Greed! Dammit my head is spinning now! The little bitch spiked my soda and I ended up downstairs for an HOUR, and didn't even get the dishes done. I ended up just lounging around, slightly drunk and talking to Greed as if he was my best friend. When the alcohol wears off, I am going to KILL HIM! I don't even know why he does this to me; maybe he just loves to torture me…

I was worried about this happening this weekend, and then of course it happens tonight.

I really can't stand Greed. I just CAN'T deal with him anymore! He is always getting under my skin and slipping me alcohol in my drinks. Last summer, he even spiked one of my drinks with ecstasy one time, just because no matter what, I wouldn't be able to say 'no' to _anything_! You know what happened then? Too bad because I don't even remember. I just remember waking up stuck in a laundry chute, and I had to yell until someone came and helped me get out.

Yeah. Real fucking funny, Greed. When I got home, despite my hangover, I decided to cover his sleeping body in that melted down metal stuff for fixing pipes (shuddap, I don't know what it's called!), which kinda got me in a psych ward overnight to make sure I wasn't insane. I, thank god, didn't get committed or anything, I just got confined to my room for a month.

You know, I would be _so _happy if I was an only child. Or at least the oldest! Being the middle child really sucks! Wrath gets babied, and Greed gets to do whatever he wants, because he has the whole 'older brother's privileges' thing; and our parents expect him to get ready for college, so he has barely any chores. He uses all that extra time to party instead. So I have the most chores, and everything always seems to be my fault. End up having problems? Given a psychiatrist as if I was insane or something. I'm tempted to give them a reason to believe I'm insane, but I have no idea what would happen if I did that.

As soon as I graduate, I'm getting OUT OF HERE! I don't care WHERE I go, I just have to leave. Anyway, I'm going to bed. The alcohol makes me sleepy…

~EnvyTheJealous

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**A/N: The three stars just indicates that Envy had to leave and continued writing later.**


	5. Chapter 5

**This one isn't very long either, but it's heavy with the drama. Enjoy! ^_^**

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Entry #5

10/28

It's Friday night and I'm sitting in the middle of a basketball court at fucking 1 A.M. (this count as Sunday morning?). I'm tired and not feeling good. I'm high off of weed that Greed _somehow _got me to smoke. I'll admit it _was _fun at first, but now I feel like shit…now I see why it's illegal. I just want to go home, or at least get some sleep. But no, we don't have anywhere to go. We just gotta sit around in the fucking ghetto all night.

I hate life right now. If it wasn't so late, I'd ask Ed to come pick me up. And right now I'm scared for my sanity. This guy, Bobby…he's bi. And I like him. We talked for a long time, and he's pretty cool. But I don't know…I have no idea what's going on. I thought I liked Roy Mustang…

I had a kind of freak attack earlier. Charlie was getting in my face and I flipped shit on him. I told him to stop so many times, but he kept on being an ass and harassing me. I warned him that if he didn't stop that I'd punch him. He didn't have the sense to go away and instead egged me on! Well, I really _did_ punch him. He started flipping out and pacing around the pavilion, yelling about respect! Him?! Yelling about RESPECT?! Then one of his friends told him to hit back and he had the NERVE to say 'sorry, but I don't hit girls, no matter how nasty they are.

That's when I totally lost it. Not only did he call me a girl, but he underestimated me and called me NASTY! I immediately saw red and just _lunged._ We got into a full-on fight. Now I feel like shit. Just my luck. Got beaten up TWICE in one week. And two days in a row, at that! I feel horrible and almost like I'm going to be sick. It even hurts to move, but I still can't go lie down.

Really, why did I go with Greed? He really fucked up this time. Instead of staying at the person's house he said we'd stay at, he planned to stay at some 30-year-old drug dealer's house with 10 other teens. Jeez, this guy sounds like a pedophile to me! I wouldn't want to be around there, having the dead-sexy body I have.

I can't believe I can still be confident about my body when I feel and look like this. My hair is tangled, I have bags under my eyes, bruises…bruises EVERYWHERE. Greed doesn't even care! He's making out with some girl who is barely half-dressed!

Oh yeah, and we ended up splitting from the group. Greed is the one who set it up, and he didn't want me alone on the streets. He covered up his concern by saying something along the lines of "With a pretty face and scrawny figure like that, he's bound to be taken by someone." Uhg, like I'd let _that_ happen. I may not be the strongest person around, but I sure am fast. I can make a quick getaway if needed. But still! He made me look like a girl! And after that comment Charlie made, it's really fucking humiliating! Rest assured, I gave Greed a good punch after we left the group.

But still, even though now I don't have to stay at some creep's house, I'd still love to have a bed to sleep in right now. Instead of having to wear three layers of clothes and laying on concrete.

I haven't eaten or drunk anything since 4:30. It's, at this point, 1:17. I'm tired, my head-no, my whole BODY-hurts. I want one of my friends here. I really do. But nobody is answering my texts. Sucks to be me.

I'm going to get some fucking revenge when all of this is over, mark my damn words.

~EnvyTheJealous

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**Yep, I just LOVE torturing my main characters. Hehe! Not funny? No? Okay... Anyway, please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I know, it's another short one...I keep getting ideas for entries, but they're hard to expand upon. I promise they'll get longer...eventually. Anyway, here's another chapter! Please enjoy!**

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Entry #6

10/29

Day 6 of this troublesome journal… Last night we ended up sleeping in the basketball court until 3:30 and then a fucking basement. I GOT LOCKED IN A FUCKING BASEMENT! Greed is getting the fucking silent treatment for a good long time! Last night, I can honestly say, was the worst night of my life. It was the first time I honestly wanted to die. In fact, I felt like I was _already _dying. It was so cold I was shivering, and Greed and the chick he was with were smoking in the basement…such a small space PLUS the smoke made it hard to breathe!

But now I'm at Ed's house…Around 10 AM I called him and he got me around noon. By the time he came, I was passed out on a park bench. I was a bit startled when I woke up to him shaking me. When we got to his house, I had finally had food after almost 24 HOURS. I was so glad for some food. He was going all mother-hen though. He wouldn't even let me eat fast because he thought I'd get sick. I guess it's nice to know someone cares, though.

I really do feel a lot better. I am especially grateful to Ed for coming to get me. Of course, I found out I _could _have called him last night. They were awake until after 3…me and my dumb ass…grr…

But still! I had no idea how some people felt until last night. I ended up all dirty and in pain. Nowhere to pee, nothing to eat or drink…nowhere to sleep and nobody to care. I was cold and hungry and thirsty…I feel like it was an extreme life experience, no matter how much I hate it. I got to see how lower people lived…

Uhg, God, I'm getting sentimental…

I also feel like I had this coming. I was always an ass to people and then this happened. I mean yeah, I get my own share of being pushed around, but being the anti-social jerk I was for years, I kinda did treat people even worse than they treated me. After all of this, I feel like it was karma coming back to get me. Ed thinks I'm just over reacting…but he doesn't know how much of an ass hat I was before.

But I _swear_ I even pushed him into a locker on my first day at his school…maybe he didn't notice it was me…

Whatever, I guess I'll have to explain this all to mother and father when they get back. Knowing Greed, he'll try to make me look bad before I have the chance to tell what really happened. But I'm just too tired to think of what I'll do right now….I need some sleep.

~EnvyTheJealous

Holy shit! I feel like a schoolgirl or something because I'm so excited! I know I've already written my entry for today but I HAD to add this! Me, Ed, and Ling are getting sweet sweet revenge at a party tonight *evil grin*. It IS Saturday night, and Greed is going to this party. Well I'm off to get some sweet revenge!

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**Well Envy got pretty excited! I hope you enjoyed, please review! Constructive criticism welcomed!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, I have another installment! I'm sorry it took so long, I needed to find a good revenge plan. Anyway, this one involves some mentions of suggestive stuff so yeah, there's your warning. Also..there's somewhat Envy-torture in here. You'll see what I mean.**

**In The Forest: Yes, yes it is agreeable. Just wait 'till you see where it get's him, though. **

**The Nearly Missed: That's completely fine! I don't really expect much from my readers, haha, although reviews are fun.**

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Entry #7

10/30

I should have seen this coming. The plan last night was successful for the most part…except the outcome.

You see, we weren't very…_clever_ when thinking out this plan. We didn't have much time to make it very good. It was a Halloween party, so we dressed up, of course. Ling was a prince (he has these strange fantasies of being a prince in a far off land…but I think he was high or something), Ed was a mixture of things…I think it was a puppy dragon…he's weird. And _I_ was a vampire. I have pale skin and dark hair, I think I pulled it off well!

Anyway, the plan was to convince one of his girls to, erhm…get him alone, start sucking him off, and put a locked cock ring on him so he couldn't cum. It was all Ling's idea! He even supplied the ring. I don't want to even KNOW where it's been, but that's beside the point.

Well, it's kind of Ed's fault it went wrong. You see, I allowed him to do my vampire makeup for me (before you call me gay, I HAD to use makeup to create the vampire effect, so SHADDUP!). Unfortunately, the makeup made me look more feminine and less like myself, what with my hair pulled back and the red contacts. So…the girl I was trying to convince cornered me and said 'why don't _you_ do it?!' and pushed me into a small room.

So, I found out I had to improvise. There was no way I was going to suck the bastard's dick…NO FUCKING WAY. So while I waited to either be let out, or for Greed to come in, I looked down at the ring and though up a new plan. I just had to pose as a girl long enough to get him pants off, put it on him while he wasn't looking, and run off to boil my hands (I'm serious…).

Well, he entered and saw me. I don't know what I was more creeped out by: his pimp costume, or the fact he thought I was attractive. He didn't even know it was me! Anyway, I didn't even need to take his pants off for him (THANK GOD) because he took them off himself, telling me to get going. I really had to stop myself from barfing then and there.

So, I had to, ah, coyly tell him to close his eyes for better effect, and he did. So I quickly slipped the ring on him and got the hell outta there. I threw the key down the toilet and flushed it (it was a tiny key), but before I could find Ed and Ling, he had caught up to me. His pants were back on, and he was SCREAMING at me to get it off of him. I ran away and got to Ed and Ling, and I was going to tell them what happened, but Ed had the idiocy to call me by my name…although I can't really blame him…he didn't know about the change in plans. When Greed realized it was me, he literally turned red with anger. Ed and Ling sprinted away, yeah thanks guys! Greed lunged at me and I shoved him. He ended up in the host's lap…face to crotch… It was funny, and it gave me an out, but now I'm screwed.

When my mother and father got home, they immediately came to Ed's house and picked me up, practically in a rage. Guess what Greed told them! He told them that I got wasted on Friday night (which I didn't!) and then ran off with Ed when it was still dark (ANOTHER LIE). He then told about the party incident, but twisted it into me trying to have SEX with him, despite incest. EW! GROSS! But now I'm in huge trouble…I'm grounded, and they're questioning whether I'm allowed to hang around Ed and Ling anymore.

I really don't feel good now. Barely any friends and I may be TAKEN AWAY from them…LIKE ALWAYS! I can't take lonliness again, I just can't! When 'justice' was served to me, Greed had that shit-eating grin he always has, and I just wanted to PUMMEL him! But I know I couldn't…I was locked in my room, no computer, no cell phone, no TV…at least they left me with my iPod so I don't have to die from lack of music.

Really, why couldn't I just stay at Ed's house and forget revenge? Oh yeah, I never back down from ANYTHING. I have to fix that. What am I supposed to do now? If I get taken away from my friends, I'll be alone. I'm not going back to the assholes that treat me like shit whenever they're pissed off. I'll just be all alone. I don't know what I'll do if I end up all alone again…it hurts too much when there's no one to talk to, and no one to be there. You can't even have good times without any friends. It's just impossible.

I hear mom coming up the stairs now, I can tell by the heels pounding on the stairs. I'd better put this away. Please let me keep my friends…

~EnvyTheJealous

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**See? A mixture of humor AND angst for this chapter! I hope you enjoyed and please review! ^^**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello my wonderful readers! You know, I just gotta say, I love you guys! When I saw that I got more followers I was very VERY happy! And the last chapter had three reviews! Call me crazy, but that's just super...AWESOME for me! Thank you for putting me in a good mood!**

**In The Forest: Yeah I know it was a horrible plan xD Ya see, I had so many different ideas, but I needed one that would go wrong...so I chose that. Especially because Envy just looks feminine enough to be mistaken!**

**The Nearly Missed: You're voice acting for a play? That's awesome! The most voice acting I've done was for a five minute skit, and they chose me because they knew I liked anime. It'd be so cool to voice act for a play, though! Good luck! Also, I'm curious about this Envy-voice. I'm glad to know my story is good enough for you to read it out loud! I'm glad you loved the plan! Now about Greed getting it off...*giggle* you'll see**

**DXRough: Well I guess you'll get a taste of that! I wrote this chapter the way it is for you, because you wanted to know how they treat him!**

**To all of you, THANKS FOR READING! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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Entry #8

10/31

Happy Halloween! Not… Today was horrible! Guess who received a death threat today? Me. Fucking wonderful! I can _not _believe this. I've gotten threatened before. On many occasions. But never a death threat! Charlie, who I never even noticed went to my school, stopped me in the hallway today. With a punch to the face. Seriously! What is with all the people trying to beat me up?! I didn't think I had THAT many enemies!

Anyway, he made a huge scene of threatening to kill me. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad my mother picked me up from school to make sure I go to my psychiatrist. If I had to walk home like normal, I'd probably be shot or something. Damn pricks…

My psychiatrist kind of doubles as a therapist…somehow. He prescribes medication to those who need it, and then is a therapist to everybody else. I don't know how that's supposed to make me feel… I don't want to one day just be presented with a prescription. He's already mentioned antidepressants.

I don't need medication! Anyway, I heard antidepressants actually increase the chance of suicide in teens. WHAT. THE. FUCK?! I thought they're supposed to make you feel better, not SUICIDAL! Anyway, he thinks it'd be a good idea. Yeah fucking right. If I took those, I'd probably end up being one of the suicidal teens.

Anyway, Aunt Sloth and Lust visited today. Lust is my cousin, Sloth is my aunt on my mom's side of the family. Wrath has some sort of misconception that _she's_ his mother, instead of our mother, Dante. You can say she gets more than pissed off about that whole ordeal. There was a half-hour argument, mostly filled with a tantrum from Wrath. Lust and I hung out in the den, just sitting there, doing nothing.

Honestly, she's one of the only family members that I willingly respect. She's a senior in high school. She goes to a private school, so we obviously don't go to school together. But even though we relatively get along, we never have anything to talk about. So, we just sat there, awkwardly, until the arguing was over. And like always, I'm the one who got stuck with cleaning up the mess from Wrath's tantrum. Today it took a whopping hour!

I don't know why Gluttony and Pride didn't visit today. I asked Aunt Sloth and she said they were out with their father (Bradley, was that his name?). But when I asked Lust, she said their father was on a trip for some sort of political convention. Does that mean they went with him? I wouldn't be surprised about Pride-he may be only 6 years old, but he is fascinated by politics. But Gluttony? No way, that'd never happen. He's always lived up to his name, and always sitting on his fat ass eating whatever he can get his hands on.

You know, it's probably a good thing he didn't come over…he'd eat us out of house and home by the end of the night. Even before dinner.

Speaking of dinner, we actually had a family dinner for once. The 'rents even made Greed stay home! I guess it was just because Aunt Sloth and Lust were here, but it was still really surprising. We usually only have dinner on special days. Like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving (like I have any thanks to give), etc. etc. etc… It was sort of awkward for me, considering Greed decided to open his mouth about the threat I got in school. My father got angry. Because I'm in danger? No, because it'd ruin his reputation. He scolded me for making enemies so fast. Honestly, the fact that I have friends should make him proud that I'm not as bad as I was at all of my other schools. But no, all he cares about is his goddamn rep.

We're not even rich. He's a part of the county government. Big deal, it's not like he's a fed., or anything. Unfortunately, mother agrees. She's upset too, and added to my grounding.

Jeez, all this makes me feel depressed to be a part of this family. Thing is, they don't give a damn about what Greed does. Wrath gets babied. So that leaves me, the middle child, to carry the weight enough for all three of us. I HATE being the middle child! I really do think I'd be better off being an ONLY child. In fact, it'd be heaven. Scratch that, it'd be heaven to be ALONE! I mean, I don't like loneliness, but I just mean away from my family. Friends can stay. If they're worthy to be friends, I obviously like them enough to keep 'em around.

Did I admit I like them? Yeah, I guess my friends are pretty cool. Not cool in the popular sense of the word. Ling is a flamboyant gay, Ed is short and like some sort of super-genius…so he gets teased for both. I think they only tease him about his smarts because they're jealous.

Heheh…me, Envy, talking about other people being jealous. Hmm…INCEPTION!

I need to come up with some sort of cool name now…

Anyway, back to topic… Well, Paninya, who's not exactly my friend but more like an acquaintance or something, she is a tom boy and a bit over-eccentric. Winrey is a bit scary, so she doesn't have many friends, and Rose dyes her hair pink, which some people don't like it, so yeah. Then there's Russell. Haha he likes to pretend to be different famous people, some sort of roleplaying freak. And then Lan Fan…she is a bit TOO into art, creative names, and random STUFF, and freaks out whenever she gets a new idea. So….yeah the people I hang out with aren't exactly popular.

I guess that's okay though. I mean, I have long long LONG hair. It's normally black but I add green to it. I started doing it about a year ago. It was after Halloween and I decided, just to spite my parents, I'd dye my hair in color that corresponds to my name. So, green it was! They had a fit, but they just don't even mention it anymore. Once I'd started, I didn't want to stop.

Unfortunately, now I get wise-cracks from certain assholes (ex. Greed) about looking like a palm tree. I like my hair! And it does _NOT _look like palm leaves!

WAIT! I figured out the cool name! Envyception! THERE WE GO!

Oh geez, I sound like some sort of art freak now… That's what I get for hanging around Lan Fan… I'm going to be killed by my friends, just watch. Except, instead of them getting me into trouble, it's more like one day a comment will slip and they'll just totally…kill me.

But besides all the strange quirks or the group I'm in, they're really the first decent friends I've ever had. I really am grateful to have them.

On a lighter note, Greed had to go to the ER to get the cock ring off, because the key was unattainable. I wouldn't doubt if he got some really weird looks. And what's better, he still had to go to school! Sweet satisfaction!

~Envyception

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**I just want to say this so I don't have people upset with me...I don't think people who love art are freaks...I am one of those art-lovers. Also, I have no problem with tom-boys or roleplaying. This was strictly from Envy's brain (or what I think he'd think). It has nothing to do with my opinions!**

**Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review! ^^**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Here's another chapter! Just so you know, I wen't through Hell to write this. When it got to Envy's fear, I couldn't stop squirming (the story behind it is very similar to something that happened to me-creating the same fear). But then I went into a fit of giggles. Oh and please don't mind the pervertedness (some may like it) but I had so much sugar that I couldn't help it. I already scarred one of my best friends over the phone.**

**Aaaannnnyyyywwwwaaaaaayyyyyy ...you don't wanna hear about my boring life. On to the story!**

**Oh yeah, and...**

**DXRough: *thumbs up***

**In The Forest: Envy loves his family, he just won't admit it x) Gluttony? Suspicious? NAHHH... Palm trees?! There are a few in VA beach, which is where I'm most likely moving. When I saw them when we visited my dad's fiancee, I actually SQEEED! They were rather...annoyed. Anyyywayyy...About Greed's cock, that'd be so funny, wouldn't it? I'll let you to the imagining. And the grounding? I know, but Dante is a bitch and Father just seems...idk...I can't even explain it... But it makes sense that they'd ground one of their children for something that doesn't make sense.**

**SoulEaterMarie: I'm so glad you feel that way! I mean, please don't break a rib, but I'm so happy you like it! :D**

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Entry #9

11/1

Almost forgot to do this entry. I was in bed and everything, so yeah…

Anyway, even though it's not banned books week, my English teacher is doing a special week to watch summary videos about banned books. Today, it was Lord of the Flies. Man, is that book violent! I like :3 …did I seriously just write an emoticon? But honestly, that book just completely portrays everything that's going on in the real world today. Everybody is too thirsty for power to actually think rationally. I mean, where did all this warfare come from? Thirst for power. (Actually, I had this strange dream where I was a shape-shifter and I started WWII and triggered the Nazis attacking the Jews and stuff. It was actually pretty interesting. It'd be soooo cool to be able to shape-shift.)

But really, it'd be nice to life in a world without strife. I mean yeah, I have my share of fights-even ones I started. Still, being like me, who's always getting fucking death threats and stuff, I can't help but wish for a utopia of sorts.

You know, I almost lived in a place like that! My father had a colleague who had a bunch of friends who were saving up for land in Australia. We were going to live in Australia! Imagine that! Even Greed and Wrath loved the idea. But mother…not so much.

Despite the spiders, I would've loved it. I could have my iPod…I'd just get one of those solar-panel charger things. So I wouldn't be music-free. Yay!

Before you say anything about the spiders, I had a bad experience okay? When I was 6, Greed decided it'd be a great April Fool's Day prank to fill my bed with spiders while I was asleep. Needless to say, I needed therapy. For weeks. Waking up to spiders crawling all over you, under your clothes, and in your hair…jeez I'm shaking just thinking about it. I can't stand spiders now. I just can't. I won't even go near one to kill it. I get constantly teased for it.

In fact, two schools ago, a spider crawled on my desk in homeroom and I kinda…just inched as far away from the desk as I could. I couldn't even grab any of my stuff, I just couldn't move. I know, girly right? Well, some guy named Chas made a scene out of killing it and snickering at me. Damn bastard embarrassed me…

Sometimes I really hate myself for being, well, me. I get teased and scorned all the time:

I can draw, therefore I am an art freak

I can sing AND dance, therefore I am girly

I write anything from poetry to short stories, I have no life

I play video games, so I must be a nerd

I have long hair, so I'm gay

I'm slim, so I'm anorexic

I have purple eyes, so I'm a freak (actually I kind of agree with that one)

I read and do my homework, so I'm an overachiever

I wear lots of black, so I'm suicidal

See? The list goes on and on and on. And it's just me too! There are so many people that do the same things I do, and they get praised for it. Once anybody notices me, the teasing starts. Why can't they just **_LEAVE ME ALONE_**?! It's becoming a mental strain, really. Even my friends tease me for my necklace in the shape of an ouroboros (dragon swallowing its own tail), just because it's a necklace. Half of my guy friends wear necklaces!

Maybe this is the reason they tease me…I'm an easy target. Thing is, I've learned to (somewhat) keep my temper down, so I don't react much anymore. Really, they're all so immature. I hate it so much!

Okay, my rant is over… But really, maybe I should give them a taste of their own medicine. They'd really get a fucking shock. Just tease them for everything THEY do. Maybe if I teach them a lesson they'll stop calling me gay for being in drama class. What can I say? My acting skills are near flawless. I could probably trick my way into a bar without even a fake I.D. I'm just that good.

Yeah yeah, I sound vain. I don't care. I embrace my inner (less-than-inner) asshole.

Did that sound extremely dirty, or is that just my perverted mind going into overdrive?

It's not my fault I'm so perverted. When there are so many people walking into verbal traps, it's just too funny to pass up. Plus, today made my mind all the dirtier. Ed really has a _way _with words. He doesn't even realize he sounds dirty until I start laughing so hard I collapse. Yeah, it happens. It was just…SO FUCKING FUNNY!

You see, we were at lunch and, like usual, Ed wouldn't drink his milk. Al and Winrey started nagging him to drink it and he exclaimed 'I'M NOT DRINKING WHITE FLUID THAT COMES FROM THE UNDERSIDE OF A COW!' Well, that made me laugh, so hard (heheh…hard). It also attracted some stares. When Ed realized what he said, 'NO! Not like that! But still…cow nipples look so weird!' aaaand THAT made me laugh so hard I actually stopped breathing for almost a minute. Al almost ran to get the nurse, because I was writhing on the ground, gasping with laughs and trying to get air. It was painful, but funny. I could barely take it.

Once the others were sure I wasn't dying, Ed just decided to shut up and not say anything else. But me, being the notoriously devious Envy Alighieri, I had to pull a little 'prank'. I took his milk, claiming I'd drink it for him. BUT! When he wasn't looking, I poured it in his soup. He started eating the soup and didn't notice for a few minutes. When he did, I got a good slap on the back of my head. In fact, my forehead still hurts from its collision with the table.

What is it with people and hitting me?

Anyway, it was worth it. COMPLETELY WORTH IT! Man, do I love messing with O'Chibi.

Ooh goodie, I have a new nickname for him! But…I'm tired. It's almost 11.

~ShapeShifter(ofyournightmares)

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**What'd ya think? Yeah, I hate spiders. So does Envy in this. Deal with it :)**

**Anyway, please tell me what ya think! See ya chibis!**

**...**

**I'm letting Envy invade my brain too much...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Heyy, here's the next chapter! I actually felt a lump in my throat during one part, you might be able to tell which one. This chap is a bit sadder than the others. Just a warning.**

**The Nearly Missed: Yeahh, Envy's got it bad. I torture characters maybe a bit TOO much. Yep, I slept on a couch that I didn't know had spiders in it. I was gonna kill my mom for actually letting me sleep on the couch, but it was sorta my stubborn ass that got me into that situation xD... And yes, Ed is fun to play around with considering his many 'quirks'...although Envy is even more fun!**

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(Wednesday)

Entry #10

11/2

Everything is starting to fall apart now. Greed was so angry at me for the cock ring incident that he went and told as many people at school about my psychologist as he could. Now everybody knows I'm seeing a shrink and they won't leave me alone about it. They're calling me crazy and psycho…

But I was the idiot that practically proved them right. I got into another fight…I punched Ling in the face for making a joke about it…and we fought. Now everybody is mad at me…Al is the only person who will talk to me and even _he_ seems distant. Not even Ed will go near me. I really blew it this time… I may as well transfer now. What's the point in staying if I'll have no friends?

I can't believe how much of an idiot I am… I mean…really…I should just _go_. If Al is hesitant to talk to me, I have no chance with the others. I never want to leave my room…never ever EVER!

Okay…so _maybe _I'm being a little dramatic…but really, if I have no one to talk to, what's the point? What's the point of even trying to be their friends? I hate being abandoned…it's my biggest fear. I've been abandoned too often to be able to handle it anymore. I don't want to be abandoned again… I can't believe I'm this scared…I'm even shaking.

And not only is THIS shit happening to me, but I'm suspended from school and I got punished when I got home. My mother beat me…badly. It hurts to move too much…I hate it. I'm also grounded even more, and I still can't have my cell phone and computer. She even took my iPod this time! I'm just sitting around with silence. I have books, but the very few I own I've already read. My teachers didn't give me my work, said I have to make it up after the suspension as part of the school's punishment policy. I literally just get to sit around and do nothing. I can write in this, write in my notebook, draw, something, but that's about it.

Maybe I'll use my pocket knife to carve something into the wall. Somewhere my mother won't find it until I move out. Nice parting gift, eh? Yeah, no…with my luck, she'll find it ahead of time and I'll get the shit beaten out of me again.

What is with all the abuse in this world? Isn't that illegal? It's not like anybody ever gets caught, and whenever they do, the kids just get taken away, usually split up, and sent to foster homes with shitty families and then no connections for when they leave high school. And any punishment the parents get, it doesn't deter others from doing the crime, it just deters them from being able to get caught.

I don't think I'd be able to rat mother out anyway. I don't want to be like the other foster kids, with nowhere to go when I graduate. Once I graduate, or turn 18 or whatever, out on the streets I go. If I were to try to get out of here, it'd be suicide. I don't want to be homeless, I'd rather be dead.

Actually, dying doesn't sound too bad. Yeah, I'm crazy…

I just feel so alone. My ex(I think?)-friends hate me, my mother beat me, my father won't talk to me, in fact he only looks at me with glares…Greed is ready to kill me, I've been threatened and hated by anyone who wasn't already my friend, and Wrath is just the bratty younger brother. Even when I try to talk to him, he gets all weird and keeps the conversation short. Why does this have to happen to me? Why can't it happen to someone else? Why can't I have a normal, good life like I see everybody else having?

I just realized I haven't been eating right for a couple of days. I did have lunch, but I only ate a couple of bites each time, and had no dinner, snacks, or breakfast. Weirdest part about it is, I'm not even hungry. Yet another thing to add to my list of abnormal stuff in my life. I guess I can't get yelled at for eating everything…but I'll probably get blamed anyway. That's my family…I fucking hate my life.

Honestly, I don't think I can even trust myself right now. I already have some extreme trust issues with people, but at this point I just CAN'T trust myself. For instance, what I did today to GET me in this mess! I'm going to wind up ruining my own life, one punch at a time. I have all this stuff on my permanent record, and my grades aren't the best in the world. I guess I'm okay at school, but that's about as good as I'll ever be.

I really feel just too upset to do anything else tonight…not even gonna try to come up with a good signature.

~Envy

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**Angsty Envy is angsty. Tell me what you think! Sayonara!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Alright guys, this one is short and a bit angsty. No comedy, but don't worry, comedy will come shortly. This is a kind of gateway chapter. I can't explain it, but you'll understand when the next few chapters come out.**

**AlphaFive: I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! And if you like angst, this is another chapter that you'll like, although I don't think it's as angsty as the last one. ^_^'**

**The Nearly Missed: Ahhwww every good fan extends sympathies to fictional characters! There is more angst, as I've said twice above, and with the Ed thing, you'll just have to wait and see~**

(Thursday)

Entry #11

11/3

I hate hospitals. I hate hospitals, doctors, nurses, and medicine. I can't believe I landed myself here…and the psychiatrist is thinking of not letting me go home for a while. He wants me transferred to the psych ward. Just fucking _wonderful_.

I just kinda lost it…and…well, I cut myself. I hadn't done that in a long time…but I couldn't help myself. I was hurting so much, and…I needed the release.

Unfortunately, I cut too deep and passed out. I would have bled out if Wrath didn't break down the bathroom door. I somewhat wish I didn't… I needed to get the cuts stitched shut and get blood and stuff…I don't like it. But now I may have to STAY here, in the psyche ward! I don't want to get locked up…and that may be how this turns out. They'd better not try to look at this journal…I'd die from shame before they could say 'insane'.

I just want to talk to my friends, but I'm not so sure I even have friends now. I can't call or email them to find out, and now I can't even sneak out to try and see them. Hospitals have so much security, it's crazy.

Why was I instantly shunned by everyone? Really, if Ed lashed out at someone for calling him short, he'd instantly be welcomed back into the group. But when I flip out over something that really emotionally hurt me? God forbid I get forgiven! I hate them and I hate myself. I wish I had just completely finished myself off instead of letting them find me still alive (albeit barely)…

I feel so abandoned by everybody. My family just left me in this stupid hospital. My friends aren't even my friends anymore, and it almost feels like my own mind is leaving without me. It's like reality itself is a dream, that everything is a dream that I'll never wake up from. No, it's a nightmare.

I almost feel like a star. Not like a movie star or someone famous, but a star in the night sky. I feel distant and far away from others. I've always been that way. Even when I had friends, I could never really connect well. I have no idea why, I just can't connect with people. And I don't mean finding similarities between myself and others—that's easy. I mean just connecting in a mental way. I can't really talk about myself and I feel almost awkward, like me and them are too different to even _try_ to compare, even though I do have SOME things in common with them!

Does that make sense? No, it doesn't, and if anybody tries to tell me that it does, I'll refer them to my psychologist.

I have such a headache and I feel sick…I didn't eat the dinner they provided. Or lunch…and I only ate a few bites of breakfast. I can't eat. I can't stomach the food. If I go on like this, they'll force-feed me. I don't want to be force-fed. It'd be humiliating, plus I'd probably gag and then throw up.

I don't want to be here, of course, I've already made that clear. I'm just surrounded by walls that keep me away from everything, and I can't even contact my so-called friends to see if they'd forgive me. I have a phone in here, but I wouldn't doubt it if my mother told the nurses to not let me use it, being the chronic control-freak she is.

Maybe if she wasn't such a control-freak, I wouldn't be this messed up. It's like she's been controlling my whole life, and I'm just a mindless zombie that has to follow her every command. Aren't there books about that kind of stuff? People bringing back the dead to create an army? I think they're called Necromancers, if I remember correctly. I wouldn't be surprised if mother was one. Anyway, our family doesn't resemble one another at all, I wouldn't be surprised if she brought us all from the dead and lied to us and stuff.

Or that could be my inner psychopath speaking.

~TeenagePsychopath


	12. Chapter 12

**I apologize for taking so long to update! Not only was a busy, but when I DID have time, I got easily distracted. Also, just fair warning, this chapter totally sucks...or at least in my opinion it does. I didn't know how to make it longer, because I HATE writing short chapters, and I've already done that so many times, but ah well...we don't always get what we want, do we?**

**Thank you all for reading this far! I really hope you're enjoying it!**

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(Friday)

Entry #12

11/4

I can't sleep. It's 11 o'clock at night and I can't sleep. I guess it being Friday _and _the fact I'm still in the hospital make it a little less serious. The nurses moved me into the psych ward right before dinner time today. I'm glad it was after Ed came to visit.

Oh yeah, he visited me in the hospital today. He's not angry at me anymore! I never even got my chance to apologize… Anyway…apparently he'd been trying to call my cellphone, email me, and everything! He was apparently worried because of the distress I was—no, _am_—in. He wasn't happy when he found out I'm in the hospital. Apparently he asked Greed about me, and had a complete cow when he found out. He visited me around 1, so I'm guessing he left school right away.

We talked for a long time…but I felt increasingly uneasy because he could _see_ the bandages on my arms. The gowns that we get here don't have sleeves, so my arms were exposed. I think he knows what is going on, and I'm not too sure that I feel comfortable about it. We still haven't known each other for even a month, and he has already seen me at my worst. Will he tell anyone? There's no way I can know. What I do know is that I hope he only calls me now. I don't want him, or anyone else, to know I'm in the psych ward. It'd be more embarrassing than all the shit I went through for the past month put together.

Something that has me on edge now is my arm. Not where I cut myself…but where I got blood work done. About 10 minutes after Ed left, a nurse came in to take some of my blood to be tested for any viruses and bacteria I could have picked up when I cut myself, and she must have been in a bad mood. She wasn't gentle at all. I already hated needles…now I absolutely despise them. When she withdrew the needle, she did it quickly and messily. I bet _I _could have done better! There is a HUGE blotchy bruise on the inside of my elbow and it's so uncomfortable that I can't even bend my arm. Just my luck, I get the BITCHY nurse. I hate her!

In fact, I just checked and the blotch is bigger than it was an hour ago…I think I'm gonna be sick… This is why I HATE doctors! Talk about a weekend killer!

If my family never treated me the way they do, I wouldn't even be here. I just wanted to escape my personal Hell. I'm treated like their slave whenever I'm home. 'Envy, do this.' 'Envy, do that.' 'Envy, you did something wrong! *slap*'

The only reason I did things wrong is because nobody ever showed me how to do all the chores I was given. I had to vacuum the entire downstairs and the upstairs hallway, I did the dishes after dinner, I did my laundry, along with Greed's and Wrath's, I had the downstairs bathroom and the bathtub in the upstairs bathroom, the kitchen floor… And then there was my own room to take care of. The only thing my mother did was clean her own room, the master bathroom, and did her and Father's laundry. Father did nothing but his study, Greed had his room and the upstairs bathroom floor, and Wrath had his room and the sink and toilet in the upstairs bathroom.

I had most chores, and when I did something wrong, I got in trouble. And then on top of that, I had homework. I had only about an hour and a half for showering, brushing teeth, and relaxing. I had so much responsibility thrust upon me. To top it off, I was 8 years old when all this shit started. It's gotta be unhealthy for a kid/teen to have barely any free time of their own.

Of course, about two schools ago, the load lightened…but only slightly. The only difference is I didn't have to do my brothers ' laundry or vacuuming, except in my room.

If anybody were reading this…they'd be bored to tears by my griping. But still…all those responsibilities put me through so much stress. I truly hated my life. I still kind of hate it. The only thing that helps me get by is having friends—even if right now I only have one or two of them. I have no way of knowing, since I'm in the hospital and grounded and all.

Did I mention that I hate loneliness?

I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with the whole loneliness thing. It makes me feel really lousy, but it's not like other emotions. You can't just push it out of your mind. Being lonely is only curable by being around others, and I obviously can't have that. It truly is NOT fair, at all…

It feels like I'm rambling and being repetitive…anybody who would read this probably WOULD think I'm crazy. That's why, like I said in my second entry, I'll kill whoever looks at this.

And I REALLY hope nobody does.

And…the phone is ringing….

It was Ed. I'm out of luck. He's coming to visit again tomorrow. And he's bringing Al and Ling with him. Great…not! I mean, it's not that I don't want to see them…I just…don't want them knowing about how crazy I am.

I really hope everything will be okay…I need to try to sleep…

~PsychoInsomniac

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**Someone has nerves~  
Anywayyy...Please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey my lovely viewers! I am SO SORRY that I haven't updated for a long time. I feel really bad. I've just been studying for my SATs a lot, plus researching the National Guard's GI bill. Soo...I was really busy. Plus, I had writer's block for a while, but I think I'm ready to go! Plus, after today, my spirits were lifted super high, especially when I got tackle-hugged for 1. wearing an Ouroboros necklace and 2. making a Roy Mustang reference during the 'I Love You Baby' game. It was great and I felt great again! So yeah...I will now stop boring you with stories of my life.**

**JewelAlchemist: I am so glad you like it! And yeah...I tend to thrust pity on characters in my stories, eheheh...**

**Huaile: I'm sorry for scaring you! D: But I'm also glad you like it! :D**

**So yeah everybody, I am so thankful for all these reviews, follows, and favorites! You really light up my day! So now...ENJOY THE CHAPTER!**

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(Saturday)

Entry #13

11/5

Today was _exhausting. _Ed, Ling and Al came as soon as visiting hours started, at 10:00am. I only got to sleep around daybreak, and was woken up again at 9:30 for my breakfast, which I only ate so I don't look anorexic or anything. I had to force it down because I'm so thin you could mistake me for an anorexic.

Anyway, when Ed and company came into my room, I immediately began to avert their eyes. Can you blame me? I could _tell_ Ling was doing his very best to suppress a comment. Ed and Al looked worried, and that just made me feel worse. Nevertheless, they didn't ask me why I was there. I think they could tell, but it saved some awkwardness for me.

Anyway, they stayed until 3pm and we just talked. Ed brought doughnuts from the bakery and we talked and ate. Well…I kinda nibbled, eheheh… Anyway…Al asked out that Mei girl he's liked for so long. They have a date for tonight. I'm happy for the guy. He was always the forever-aloner, and now he finally has the upper hand in relationships. I find it funny how Ed is still single and Al has a girlfriend. It's almost _cute_, the way Ed talks about 'older brother's pride'.

The thing is, I myself am an older brother, but I never got that 'older brother's pride' stuff. I was the middle child, so Greed got all the 'pride' involved. I'm just the black sheep that's thrown aside like an old pair of shoes.

…Anyway, we had a lot of fun talking about the most random of things. I have to admit, I felt normal for once. It feels good. Ling apparently played a prank on that Lan Fan girl…she was _not_ amused. They only know each other because their fathers work together, and Ling uses it as an excuse to play constant pranks on her. Unsurprisingly, she gets annoyed.

But I can tell she likes him. I actually know the people around me enough to be able to tell what they're thinking. I guess these are the benefits of being around people so much.

This makes me realize how lucky I am to have friends. I mean, if I didn't have them, I probably would have pitched myself out the window first chance I got…if Ed hadn't visited yesterday. My parents haven't contacted me once. I don't really want to talk to them, but it would have been nice if they'd at least _pretend_ to care, ya know? I know I'm probably contradicting myself, but it's all I can think about. I would even be content if Greed or Wrath called. But no…nobody has time for little old me…

I wish I could understand the importance of family. Ed and Al get along so well, and here I am, hating and being hated by my family. I was never important to my parents. Sometimes I felt like their punching bag. They always took out their anger or frustration on me, whether verbal or physical. I was always the one beaten down. They love Greed and Wrath is the youngest. Being the middle child, it must be that I just can't please them.

I thought I was being beaten down because I was doing something wrong, but when I realized if that was the case, I would have to do EVERYTHING wrong, which couldn't possibly be true, right? So then I thought it was because I always submitted, always showed weakness; but that's how I was raised. Finally, in middle school, I started showing strength, started standing up for myself. I thought for sure it would work. But no…when I stood up for myself, I was just beaten down again. I had a whole variety of punishments; grounding, extra chores, confiscation, beatings…the list goes on.

I just don't know what I did to deserve this…I feel like nothing. I feel like I was born to be unheard and beaten down. It's like my parents want me to be stupid and ignorant just so they can have a scapegoat. But I'm smarter than they think, and maybe that's why this tortures me so much.

Here I go again…turning something happy into something depressing. Why do I always do this? I guess I'm a pessimist? I try not to be like this around my friends, and I'm usually successful, but as soon as I'm at home or alone, I'm a jumbled up ball of self-pity and doesn't-make-sense.

I guess that's why this journal is a good idea. I felt kind of awkward about it at first, but now I see how much it helps me. It allows me to vent my feelings and express what's going on without anybody interfering. Nobody will know all the stuff that is going on, and I can keep it that way. I know it may seem illogical, but it's all I have comfort in. If someone were to see how weak I can be…no…I don't even want to live to see that day, let alone even think about it.

I think I know why I'm acting like this…it's the melancholy that follows every good experience. I had fun during the day, so now I'm depressed. I know for a fact that's how it works. Not to mention the fact that I love energy drinks, and my doctor told me that depression can be a withdrawal symptom even if it's only been a few hours. I really hope that's the only reason I'm so depressed, but unfortunately…that's not likely.

I think I've thought about too much for 15 minutes. I'd better go to bed….

~BlackSheep

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**Please review! Oh and I have an unrelated question...Who else hates the new (although barely changed at all) website style?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey all! I know I know...took me forever, right? Well school is almost over for the year, so hopefully that will change ^_^ So, I actually finished this chapter over a week ago but I forgot to upload it. Sorry! Anyway, please enjoy and thank you for reading this far!**

**JewelAlchemist: Yeah I know, it really sucks! Thank god school is almost over!**

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(Sunday)

Entry #14

11/6

I'm not sure if I should be happy for Al or not. He and Mei just went on their first date yesterday and they are already KISSING. I can't help but feel worried about him. I have this underlying feeling that one or both of them are going to get hurt. I mean, who kisses on the first date? It's just not smart. I don't want to say anything, though, because he may think I'm saying it for jealousy's sake. I myself wouldn't be surprised if I let a comment slip. I will admit I'm jealous, but that's not why I think it's stupid for them to kiss on the first date. I just think it's, well…stupid.

But is it wrong for me to feel jealous? I can see where Ed is coming from. Al is younger than the both of us and we're both single. I think he likes that Noah girl, but I don't know. I could be completely misreading the situation. I do seem to be good at that.

…Besides the point…I didn't have any visitors today. For some stupid reason, they don't allow visitors on Sundays. What if people have work Monday through Saturday? They could never visit a friend or relative who's sick. It's plain cold. Anyway, the reason I know about Al is because he called me in an excited overdrive about having his first kiss. Ed eventually took the phone from him to talk to me.

We didn't talk long. He just gave me any assignments that I had in the same class as him so I can get them done. The ones from my suspension I'll just pretend to do, so I don't get stressed out or anything. We wouldn't want that, now would we? I don't care if it's breaking the rules. I really don't. I'm already sick of the school for suspending me and not Ling. He was hitting too AND he instigated it in the first place! If I get expelled, fine. I'll just keep in contact with the others through email and stuff.

I hate favoritism so much. Some people like it, if they're the favorites. I've never been on the good end of favoritism so I wouldn't know… The thing is, people who actually TRY in class still get bad grades because a teacher dislikes them and then there are people who suck at school but kiss up (sometimes literally) to the teachers and get good grades. It's one of the things that are going to destroy this world. It would just be easier to grade people on accuracy alone; nothing about participation, about absence, or anything of the sort.

Jeez, with all of these ideas I have, you'd think I could single-handedly make the world better…but I'm just one person. It wouldn't be easy. I already have so much stress on me already. I even get stressed out in my dreams anymore. They aren't always bad dreams; it's just that sometimes the dreams have to do with big tasks. Like last night, for example. I had some fucked up dream about having to get halfway across the country through an underground tunnel. I had to get to some sort of special club graduation. The weirdest part was probably the fact that the leader of this 'school function' was familiar, but not to any of the schools I went to. I swear he looked like the youth pastor at the church my mother made me go to when I was 13 years old.

Anyway, I basically got lost and the tunnel exit went into the woods. I walked around aimlessly and suddenly some big burly guy dressed in black attacked me. I ran for my life and when I got out of the woods, I was at a huge football field. Apparently that's where the graduation thing was supposed to be at. I frantically tried to tell the others that somebody was attempting to kill me, but nobody listened. Instead, I got scolded for being late. So I just went with them back into the tunnel and home again. When I got 'home' in my dream, I was at Ed's house and his father referred to me as his son. I mean, my father and his father look alike, but they've claimed they're not related. Different last names and such, I guess.

But the fact that my home was with their family makes me feel strange. I mean, I like it there and all, but they're still not technically my family. I don't know, dreams are supposed to be weird, right? That's my solace when it comes to things like this…

I feel so contradictory. I prefer to live in my imagination (which is weird enough), but once I have a dream that's out of the ordinary, I get all riled up. My imagination is such a nice place (most of the time) and dreams are supposed to be vivid windows into the imagination, right? Then why do I hate it so much? I guess it may be because my dreams can be so stressful, but you'd think I would have nicer dreams if my imagination is so great.

Or…maybe I use up the nice part of my imagination during the day and then the darker part that I never think about reveals itself while I'm unconscious. Isn't that possible? I need to figure out how to stop nightmares from happening. Soon.

At this point, I want to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed and eat better-tasting food. I don't want to be constantly observed by psychiatrists and being told what's wrong with me. I have nothing wrong with me! I'm not the only person in this world that has tried to die, but a lot of other people don't have to go to stupid hospitals. It's not fair. All this serves to do is humiliate me and keep me from getting things done.

Maybe I can try and talk my way out of here. I'm good with words. In fact, I'm going to call my family and see if I can get out of here. If they refuse, then I'll do something to cost them money. They'll get me out of here for sure.

I think it's about time I start on my homework, before going to bed.

~NotCrazy

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**Thank you all for reading! Please review~**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey! I am so sorry for not uploading for over a month! I had a serious case of writer's block, but I think I've got my creative juices flowing again! I only hope I can carry on with my other stories as well. Wish me luck? Ahaha...**

**Anyway, I read over my reviews and I'm just so glad that so many people are liking this! I really hope I don't disappoint you all! Please review anyway, whether you like it or not. I know I've said it before, but I just love knowing what people think! Happy reading~!**

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(Monday)

Entry #15

11/7

Well, I think I succeeded in a lot today. I called up my parents first thing in the morning about them getting me out of here. They of course jumped on it, considering they have a reputation to keep. It may not be for the right reasons, but at least I am another step closer to getting out of this hell-hole.

My parents came by during lunch time to talk to me and my psychiatrist about my discharge. Of course, they first had to talk about my 'condition', as they referred to it. The psychiatrist apparently thinks I might have some sort of Borderline Personality disorder or something of the sort. In fact, I'm sure that he is 100% convinced of it. I don't know what's worse! That they think I've got a disorder, or the fact that a label is being put on me in the first place!

I cannot believe they diagnosed me. I swear it's uncalled for! I've only been here for a few days and they want to put me on medication and everything. I mean, I get to leave this stupid hospital, but I'm not even allowed to go to school tomorrow, even though my suspension is over. I have _never_ wanted to go to school this badly! I think it may be because of my friends. Or _maybe _I just want to feel normal again; but I don't think I'll ever feel normal. Ever. It's sad, actually. All of these years I've been going back and forth between being proud of my difference and wanting to feel normal. This diagnose isn't helping.

I just can't shake the feeling that I'm meant to be hated. I don't want my friends to leave me, but I have a dread that they will. I really have to stop focusing on that…but I can't help it. I just need to keep this diagnose on the down-low.

But speaking of friends…I got a call from Ed around 3 today. He's getting a group together for tomorrow afternoon. Since I'll be out of the hospital tomorrow morning, I'm going to try going out with them all. I could really use the break. If my parents don't let me, I'll probably sneak out. I just can't wait to see the looks on their faces when I show up. I didn't really tell Ed I'd be out, so no one knows that I'll be home. I just acted like I was curious about where they were going and disappointed about having to miss out. I can see their looks already, and I'll be lucky if the laugh I just produced won't keep me in here another day. That's how excited I am.

I must actually say that I'm surprised. My parents didn't say anything to me except that they expect me to be on my best behavior when I got home. I expected something like "I can't believe you're relying on us to get out", "you don't deserve what you're getting, so feel lucky" or something similar. Maybe they're just tired of trying. I _am_ the problem child after all. Honestly, I can't even find it in myself to complain. I don't know what it is, but I just feel really calm. Not even depressed kind of calm. Just calm, like I could fall asleep if I simply closed my eyes, without even feeling tired. It's kind of nice. In fact, I think I'll cut my thoughts short for a night and go to sleep. Cheers for tomorrow!

~Almost Uncaged


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys! Here's my next chappie! I personally really like how this one went, even though it's also on the short side. Also, just a quick note...I'm leaving for vacation somewhere around tomorrow and Monday, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update, because on top of vacation I also have 3 summer reading books that I haven't even started yet. I will try my best to keep updating as often as possible, though! I also hope all of you are having a great summer (or winter if you live in the Southern Hemisphere). :)**

**JewelAlchemist: I'm glad you liked! Also, I don't think you sounded emo. You just sounded normal. Well, my kind of normal, which may not be so normal...I'll shut up now xD**

**AlphaFive: Thanks for the good luck wishes! And I can't really reveal anything, but maybe you're on the right track :)**

**OMGCrackkz: I'm happy that you decided to read it and like it! I wouldn't say you deserve to be shot, hahaha ^_^**

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(Tuesday)

Entry #16

11/8

Today was great. Their faces when I showed up at the park they were all meeting at were priceless! I swear Ling's eyes actually _opened_! It was hilarious. I was warmly welcomed. Al even hugged me. I must say I wasn't really comfortable, but it was nice to know that I was wanted. We had a great time. First we hung out at the park for a while and then went out to get ice cream and hot chocolate at a nearby parlor. Interesting combination if you ask me. It was still good, though! But still, I think when we left the place with ice cream in hand we got some funny looks. But who cares?

Apparently Jean had organized a prank on one of the teachers at school. The prank was something that I wouldn't have thought up, just because it was spectacularly dim-witted. He put dog feces on the windshield wipers, causing it to smear everywhere when it rained yesterday. I wish I had been there to see how it all played out, but I'm positive that it was hilarious! Best of all, none of them got caught. And of course, this was discussed while playing a game.

Basically, when playing the game, you pair people up who each choose a story. They both tell their stories and the others judge which one is better. Then round winners are paired up until the last two compete, and whoever wins that round wins the game. You choose a different story for each round. Jean was today's winner, although I came close!

After playing our fair share of games, the group slowly dissipated until it was me, Ed, Al, and May. We all went back to Ed's house and had dinner before Al brought May home. Soon after, I left and got into my room through the window before dinner even started at my place. No one noticed I was gone. Not even Wrath! I guess he didn't bother to come by my room to talk to me. I must say that stings a little, but the sting is snuffed out by the great day I had.

Things seem to finally look up for me. Tomorrow I go back to school. I hope I do fare well. Maybe my teachers won't get upset about me doing my assignments from suspension. Maybe they'll be surprised that I actually did it, when other students wouldn't even think about it!

Ah, who am I kidding? But maybe I can talk them into counting them anyway. I'd rather have low grades than zeros, considering I didn't have half the lessons to help with my work. I don't even have room to care right now.

Dinner at home, however, turned out to be very awkward. Considering I was full from earlier, I could barely force down my food, and since my family thought I was in my room all day, they thought I hadn't eaten anything all day, which gave Greed something to embarrass me about. He immediately said I should be locked up again for anorexia. Being skinny became plain embarrassing. I already can't match Greed's strength for shit, so I'd be crazy to try and take him on, but usually I'm the one winning the insult match. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything to say back, so for now I'm completely outmatched. I must say I am _pissed _about it.

I'll need to come up with something to say next time. I need to weigh every possible thing he could say to me and come up with a retort for every single one. Yes, I take this _very_ seriously. I can't let myself be outrun by Greed. If I can't match with at least strength or wit, then I consider myself on the way to failure. Is that so bad? I just want to appear better than him in some way. I can't stand it when he has the whole spotlight. If I can embarrass him through wit, then he'll lose some of that spotlight to me.

I guess I do live up to my name. My envy and jealousy is the driving force to keep me striving for success, because I want to be noticed like those around me. People say it's a terrible thing, but I think it makes me stronger. However, there _are_ those times when somebody uses it against me, and in that case I have to admit it becomes a weakness, however much it pains me to do so. Still…

Anyway, I intend to make tomorrow a great day. I don't know exactly how I'll do it, but I will.

~Jealous Determination

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**I hope you all liked it! Please review! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Hey guys, I'm sorry about this but I won't be able to update for a while. A bunch just happened, I have a funeral to go to, a wedding to attend, I have to move, and my computer is fried, so I hope you can understand. I have to use my dad's computer until I get a new one and (hopefully) recover all of my documents. I hope you all can understand and hopefully I'll be updating soon!

-BladefireA


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